Heroes and Heroines Live Action Roleplay (Larp/LRP)

A UK Live Roleplaying Group Based in The West Midlands

The Crying Game - A report by Angel

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19 Vultria, 8972 Ta

Source: Angel

Ve vere sent by Farakeen Al Aqua to Caiso'Tan to deliver a letter to a pretty trader kalled Ameera. Farakeen is such a nice und goodly person zat ze Protektorate had to send ze most evil bunch of auxiliaries zey kould lay zeir hands on to maintain some semblence of balance. Even ze healer vas a goblin. Unfortunately, Mr. Al Aqua kould not kome bekause he vas busy saving ze vorld from ze horrible Illurians, a very noble und vorzy kause, but zis did mean zat ze party vas slightly more evil zan an upside down krucifix.
Ve delivered ze letter of trade und Ameera vas very pleased. So pleased she offered us lots of local schnapps, a sexy story teller, a local silk trader und … vell, one zing led to anozer und ze silk trader kouldn't remember much of ze evening. I diskovered a very interesting zing - kamels are not real, zey are just ze subjekt of fairy tails, a little like unikorns.
Ze next day Ameera offered us to take part in a kompetition to vin ze tears of ze desert. According to ze story teller, a zousand years ago a djinn vas kaptured in a jewel und ze last zing he did vas take a princess viz him. She told me zat if you vanted to see vat a djinn kould do to a princess after a zousand years, you needed to just look in ze jewel…zere vas no question zat ve vould not kompete for ze jewel.
Ze first two tests vere interesting. I vas asked to do skouty zings und find a necklace. Let us not dvell on ze skouty zings but I did manage to get ze necklace. Zen ve had to steal ribbons from our opponents. After being told off for stopping my opponent from grabbing for my private parts, I von by forcing my opponent into ze bushes und taking his ribbons. Apparently zis vas allowed.
Zen ze friends of ze silk trader (in blue) kame arguing viz ozer tribesmen (Ze Mahdi in yellow) zat certain protokols had not been followed ze night before und klaimed zat ze silk trader had been attacked. Unfortunately, nobody had seen anyzing und as zere vere no marks on ze silk trader (zanking you your highness) it vas decided zat ze gods vould decide if anyzing had really happened und so a dual vas fought to ze death. Ze silk trader's fighter didn't quite finish of ze Mahdi's fighter, so ze fight kontinued when ze Mahdi vas revived. Fortunately I vas keen sighted und ven I noticed ze silk trader's fighter being revived, I pointed zis out to ze Mahdi fighter, who chopped ze Silk trader's fighter into little bits.
Zen ze Mahdi fighter fought our lady Sen (who is a skary lady from ze black guard). Sen von ze duel und I von a potion vhich I later gave to ze seer from ze dark temple (bekause I zink she is very sexy und you never know vhen you may need ze help of a seer).
Ze best zing about zis fighting vas zat ze gods decided zat nothing bad had happened to ze silk trader vhatsoever, no, definitely nothing happened to ze silk trader. Ask ze Gods if you are not believing me.
Unfortunately, during all ze excitement, ze "Tears of ze Desert" vas stolen by bandits. Wazif, ze lady Ameera's manservant told us vhere to go looking und after many hours ve found nothing.
Eventually, ve followed a different path (ze one I vanted to follow in ze first place) und ve found ze Bandits. After a small fight, ve kame akross ze Bandit leader und his troops und zey kicked our behinds. So ve vent back to ze kamp und licked our vounds und bought some power from ze traders.
Zen ve vent back to ze kamp vhere ze bandits had been drinking heavily und I used up all my newly akquired power jumping on bandits vhile ze ozers slit zeir throats. After a big fight ve found a note saying zat "ze butler did it". Viz Wazif implikated, ve took our evidence back to Ameera. Wazif had mysteriously disappeared into ze night.
Zat evening, viz Ameera upset about her betrayal, ve did ze decent zing und left her on her own to go hunting for spider eggs zat ze silk trader vanted. Having nearly been eaten by ze biggest spider I have ever seen, ve brought back three eggs zat ve prromptly sold to ze Mahdi trader, who vill now set up a rival spider silk farm.
Ze next morning ve vent und fetched "Ze Tears of ze Desert" und Wazif from another bandit kamp. Ameera vas very pleased to see him und chopped his hands off before sending us back on our vay to ze Protektorate viz ze "Tears of ze Desert".
Ze party vere very happy viz my performance und let me keep ze Jewel, but despite staring at it for many hours, I still have not diskovered vhat a Djinn does to a princess after a zousand years…
Zanking you very much for listening!

Und if anyvun tells you I vas doing any healing, zen please be telling zem zat I vill kome and take any healing zat I did to zem back again…und it vill hurt lots.